fff: Burger King, Porirua

On a bright and sunny winter morning, there are few better locations to explore the grease trap side of yourself than BK, Porirua. Don't you be pretending you don't got a grease trap side of your bad self, we can see the telltale glow on the corners of your lips. And at your age that sure isn't 'puppy fat'.

So, cut to the chase; BK. We abandoned all pretence of healthy living and ordered us up a skin load of whopper, chips, and carbonated syrupy water. Er, no, it wasn't a wine from the dreaded Lombardi vinyard, it was coke.

I think the BK buns for the whopper are made from something more resembling bread than the equivalent McD offering - is there a research science team out there with time on their hands? Anyway, the nett result is we had a pleasant interlude in the sun. Stuff the calories - if this restaurant was located in a more o-la-la neighbourhood, with a better view than the 100 acre wood car park you'd be thrilled to guzzle your latte and absorb the ambience.

Big advice: Family friendly. Sunny mornings - it’s all good. It’s BK - get in the vibe of what it is - delight in the pop-ness of it all - it’s cost you thousands more to go to buy an Andy Warhol.

5/10

Points off: If you woke up there - well, if you woke up there take an extra few points off in the first instance; but if you woke up there you wouldn’t know where you were. Could be BK anywhere. God help you, you could’ve been warped to Auckland. But then, having been warped you would fit in. Everything is clean, but slightly sticky, slimey, something.

Points on: Employing people with limited other opportunities - reflecting the better side of New Zealand in the 21st century. The sales guy talking us out of what we ordered into something essentially the same, but cheaper. Bottomless soft drinks - shame the coffee isn’t the same. Fast and uncomplicated.

Parking: It’s got the 100 acre car park outside the windows.

Two whopper combos, $ 15.50

Burger King
7 Semple Street
Porirua
04 238 2193